It was really tough for me. It felt like I didn't have control over what my mind was thinking about. It felt like a huge magnetic field pulling me back from where I came. I was struggling at 6:00 am in the morning, standing in the middle of my study table and my very cozy looking bed. Yes! It's one of those waking up in the morning conflict I am talking about. I had never felt more pressure on myself. Easily the greatest conflict I had to face. I had been in this situation a million times before. But usually, the conflict ended very quickly. One out of these two mindsets took control.
(A) I deserve this sleep.
(B) I don't give a damn about anything else.
And these two mindsets were my pure white surrender flags. The conflict never lasted more than a minute.
For me, things have been a bit different lately. I have been trying very hard to work on myself, trying to make myself better every day. I have taken up way more responsibilities on my shoulders than I can possibly handle. It is all possible but if I don't do it the right way I will definitely burn out. Now you might think why would I take so much on in the first place? I Feel I am in my prime for working like a beast. I sure do feel like it. So I want to get the most out of it. Okay, Coming back to the conflict I was talking about.
That morning, I was standing there still for 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes taught me so much about myself and how my mind works. For the first time, I felt I was aware of that conflict. I felt tugging and struggling. I could feel a sense of control over the battle of waking up. Was that just because I was aware of it? Or did it have to do anything with me trying to make myself more efficient by waking up early? I remember as one part of my awareness struggled the massive pull of not just my bed but my old ways that were hardcoded on my system, the other part of my awareness was smiling like it had won a lottery. It felt like the scene from Titanic when Jack stands on the port end and screams " I am the King of the world ". It really felt like a battle victory as struggle and pain had a tight grab on me, But I was still happy that I was aware of it.
This might not sound much when I say it like this but that morning when I decided to go and freshen up rather than sleep was a really really big deal. People nowadays don't realize that they don't even have that much awareness of their mind and it's conflict. They ignore it by saying stuff like "Ughh, I would rather sleep than face the conflict". People have made over-sleeping or being lazy very cool.
Did this awareness solve all my overthinking problems? Not at all. What it did for me is that it showed me that the solution for it is also within me. Our mind is like a ball on a very smooth surface with nearly no friction. Even if you give a small push to a thought in a certain direction it keeps moving that way. And later even without you realizing and not giving that point more thought it would have gone way ahead in that same direction to a point where you don't feel anything is in your control.
Changing the course of our thoughts isn't an easy job. But nothing amazing ever comes out of an easy job. To do this, we need focus, determination, and a will to be better! Personally, I have been doing mediation and exercise to gain those elements. If you are trying something else let me know.
I don't know if you understood the magnitude of the topic on which the blog is about. Thus, I would like to give you a dare. And this is especially for the people who can't wake up early in the morning even after a proper amount of sleep. Next time when you wake up by the alarm and you are about to hit the snooze, I want you to be aware of that action. I want you to think about that situation. Yes, That's the dare! THINK! And let me know how it went!
This was Day 7. I am writing this blog even before 12 noon this time! I think I still need to work more on sentence formation and keep stuff concise. I'll work on that! Thanks for reading. See you all tomorrow!