Hello there! It feels nice to be writing again! I missed this. I missed you, the reader. In 2022, I did not write a lot —only a few blogs scattered over the year. The absence of this practice of putting down my thoughts showed its true value towards the end. After putting lots of thought into this assessment, I curated this blog. Let's get started!
Recently I read a book by the author Khaled Hosseini, "The Kite Runner". Out of many beautiful lines, one struck the highest note with me, and I realized that's what 2022 was like for me. The line goes like this,
Time can be a greedy thing - sometimes it steals all the details for itself.
A lot happened this year, a lot of good things that I am grateful for. Your boy became an Engineer and a Writer and Director by profession all in the same year! So much to be happy about. But, Yes, there is a 'but'. When I sat for my yearly reflection in December, I felt not so content. Let me explain.
It was December 2021, I was reflecting on my year, glancing at how I spent time, What things I achieved, and how many things I did. I felt rejoiced and was content with the year, as I said to myself "Damn, I did a lot this year, I am proud of myself". While saying that I felt satisfied. I felt HAPPY.
Cut to December 2022, Sticking to the tradition I sat to reflect. I felt good at the beginning knowing I did way more than what I did in 2021. I worked with bigger brands, initiated new relationships, and converted my passion into a livelihood. But somehow the feeling of being content was nowhere to be found. I sat to process my emotions, What is it that I did differently this year? I didn't find the answer for many weeks.
As I continued to drag myself with that feeling through the rest of the month, I finally came closer to the answer. It was the last weekend of the year and our whole family took a trip to our religious center. I was not feeling like myself, a subtle darkness loomed over me throughout. I was still feeling dissatisfied and it was accompanied by the feeling of overwhelm by my competition.
One of my biggest projects of the year had just launched, I was happy but it was just a small spike. I was back to my original self in no time. I felt bad because the fact that I was feeling that way took away from such a beautiful and happy moment. In all that emotional rollercoaster, at a particular drop, I made a decision to tune out the world. I decided to forget the world for that weekend. I turned off the internet and decided to only be there in the moment to my fullest.
I talked to my brother about what I was feeling. He had been through the same a while back. He shared his experience with me. There wasn't a solution but the racing of my head slowed down knowing that someone else went through the same and found a way out. It was Saturday, and after lunch, the whole family sat in the temple. I followed. I decided to just sit and meditate on those thoughts and think about the conversation I had with my brother.
The chain of thoughts in my head went like this,
uff the floor is cold! Alright, Focus. What did make 2021 so satisfying compared to this phenomenal year? Let's switch the question a bit. What is it that I did in 2021 that was different? I feel I was more present in every moment in 2021, I remember a lot of it like it happened yesterday. But why is that and why can't I remember such details of 2022? Well, I did write the details almost every day that year. Oh wait, was it because I journaled almost 3 quarters of the year? I mean that could make sense, I reflected on my days every day, I lived them again and wrote about everything that I felt. I mean I also had the blog to put down my thoughts, maybe that was also something. But if it were that, how does it explain my sense of overwhelming recently? Oh you stupid Genius! It makes complete sense! See, the fact that I journaled most of it, I was constantly reminding myself of my current goal, "MY MISSION", and since that was happening, I was more involved in my process to even have time to look at others. I appreciated my own efforts and helped me appreciate others. This was it.
I opened my eyes, a smile was forming on my face. I looked at everyone as some were still in meditation, some playing with their hair. I was smiling as if I had found the secret to life. I could physically feel my lungs unclogging. It felt much cooler and easier to breathe suddenly.
I rushed to tell my brother about it, he also agreed that my current hypothesis on the solution made sense. I didn't need the agreement as I was already enjoying the privilege of breathing the cold air without a problem. The smile never left that trip.
This year I want to reflect on my experiences as much as I want to live them. Time really flies by, that's inevitable. But by writing about it, and reflecting on it, I can give the passing time more attention, think about the details, and appreciate them. No matter good or bad. Because again time flies by. Be it good or bad, This too shall pass. All you can do is live it fully at the moment and then take time to really appreciate it.
In that sense, this blog has really been a blessing to me, I have written about so many things here, things I would just keep in my head. Putting it out here was my way to really reflect on them and appreciate them. Yes, it helped me remember things, but it has also helped me get out of a lot of overthinking and tough times.
Thank you again if you read it! I am grateful for you and I wish you an amazing year ahead. Happy New Year!